New member self-introduction
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2024 5:10 am
Hi, I'm Ian. I'm a Canadian living in Japan 20 years now.
I spent a lot of time in the wilderness trying to get myself together, following the common pattern of eikaiwa teacher who never went home: job stagnation, alcohol, Japanese family. It got worse before it got better, but it is better. I'm now a sober home owner and business owner, I run a classroom and learned teaching beyond the eikaiwa format. Basically built a space where I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with management and pacifying people who aren't adding much to the educational process. I even worked at a uni part-time for a few years before getting disillusioned with Japanese university education; as a part-timer, I only taught mandatory English courses for graduation requirements which was less satisfying than basic eikaiwa.
I'm in my late 40s, and now have a happy life in terms of health, work, and hobbies. I lost 20 kilo in the last year, lowered my blood pressure, and basically reversed a decade of damage from alcohol and ramen. I love teaching, it's a highly rewarding job if done passionately. And I draw and have the time to draw daily now. But I find I'm lonely. During the hard years, I dedicated myself to getting to a better place at the expense of making friends (and often with poor manners, because I was so frazzled all the time). I have a ton of acquaintances in Japan, but no real friends, no one I'd call if I were in trouble. It might just be hard to develop that sort of bond while married and working. I love my family, but my kid is a teen and somewhat distant as they naturally create their own life, and my wife is what might be a Japanese stereotype. I've let her know I felt lonely, and that I want more love in my life, and she dismissed it and said things are fine. She can get worked up over money or washing dishes, but definitely doesn't understand human emotions much, and her parents have been living a platonic existence for decades. It's a work in progress; we watch Queer Eye on Netflix, and sometimes she realizes the importance of giving positive attention to the people in your life that you love.
The finances are important too, which is how I became aware of this community, but my kid's private high school admission is annihilating my savings, and "the future" has gone back on the back burner. I have a big house though, which will be paid off by retirement, so that lowers my savings stress level considerably.
So, I thought I could post here, see what a community of long-timers is like. I would like a new social space that isn't Reddit, that isn't mostly 30 year olds who have very different stresses and experience than me. I'm a little hopeful.
I spent a lot of time in the wilderness trying to get myself together, following the common pattern of eikaiwa teacher who never went home: job stagnation, alcohol, Japanese family. It got worse before it got better, but it is better. I'm now a sober home owner and business owner, I run a classroom and learned teaching beyond the eikaiwa format. Basically built a space where I wouldn't have to worry about dealing with management and pacifying people who aren't adding much to the educational process. I even worked at a uni part-time for a few years before getting disillusioned with Japanese university education; as a part-timer, I only taught mandatory English courses for graduation requirements which was less satisfying than basic eikaiwa.
I'm in my late 40s, and now have a happy life in terms of health, work, and hobbies. I lost 20 kilo in the last year, lowered my blood pressure, and basically reversed a decade of damage from alcohol and ramen. I love teaching, it's a highly rewarding job if done passionately. And I draw and have the time to draw daily now. But I find I'm lonely. During the hard years, I dedicated myself to getting to a better place at the expense of making friends (and often with poor manners, because I was so frazzled all the time). I have a ton of acquaintances in Japan, but no real friends, no one I'd call if I were in trouble. It might just be hard to develop that sort of bond while married and working. I love my family, but my kid is a teen and somewhat distant as they naturally create their own life, and my wife is what might be a Japanese stereotype. I've let her know I felt lonely, and that I want more love in my life, and she dismissed it and said things are fine. She can get worked up over money or washing dishes, but definitely doesn't understand human emotions much, and her parents have been living a platonic existence for decades. It's a work in progress; we watch Queer Eye on Netflix, and sometimes she realizes the importance of giving positive attention to the people in your life that you love.
The finances are important too, which is how I became aware of this community, but my kid's private high school admission is annihilating my savings, and "the future" has gone back on the back burner. I have a big house though, which will be paid off by retirement, so that lowers my savings stress level considerably.
So, I thought I could post here, see what a community of long-timers is like. I would like a new social space that isn't Reddit, that isn't mostly 30 year olds who have very different stresses and experience than me. I'm a little hopeful.
