KCLenny wrote: ↑Wed Jan 22, 2025 11:19 am
AreTheyTheLemmings? wrote: ↑Wed Jan 22, 2025 1:55 am
I do have one piece of advice I feel might be valuable, but it's predicated on something. So, if I'm not being too impertinent, could I ask you one thing in advance?
Am I correct in thinking that you're quite an introvert?
Yes. I don’t go out socially, or really talk to many people (and I’m fine with that. I’m not trying to get pity or whatever. I’m not one of those people who comes to Japan and then complains why can’t I make any friends?! I never had many friends in the uk either. I’m happy being by myself and with my wife. I’m also diagnosed (in the uk) as autistic.
Thanks for responding. What follows is based on the assumption that you're an introvert, and that intensive social interaction depletes your mental energy. TBH, I'm not sure how it relates to your diagnosis, so please accept/reject/adapt it as you see fit. (Also, on re-reading, it comes across as a bit preachy. Sorry! It's meant in good faith.)
Okay, so! To my eye, the people who seem to be doing well in work and life are those who know stuff and know people. "Know stuff" doesn't necessarily mean that they have high-level degrees and whatnot; just that they're constantly learning more about the stuff they're interested in. In your case, maybe that's gardening, maybe something else. For instance, reading books and magazines about the stuff you're interested in, and watching videos, and joining community classes, etc. It doesn't have to be full-on... just whatever you're comfortable with. You can build up quite a stack of knowledge that way if you keep at it over time.
And "know people" doesn't mean that they're out socializing every night or kissing arses to build connections in the halls of power; just that they have friends and stay in contact with them. To the introvert, however, this might not seem worth the mental discomfort involved, but my experience working through that has taught me that accepting just a little bit of that discomfort can result in life/work improvements. I've found that to build
some knowledge and have
some friends takes just a low-intensity effort. The intensity of effort isn't that relevant; keeping it up over the long-term is more pertinent.
Just meeting up every once in a while can suffice. The most common form of this is going out for a meal or drinks, but it doesn't have to be that, and even if that's what you end up doing, it doesn't (it mustn't!) mean you throw away what little money you have on beer every Friday night. A few skewers and a
nama at a yakitori joint every couple of months is a 1000-yen outlay.
In my experience, if I feel a little uncomfortable or awkward going in to a situation, it often ends up being beneficial and I'm glad I made the effort to push through (or at least accept) that initial mental apprehension. So, if you can lean in to that discomfort a little bit, just as much and as often as you can handle, there are benefits to be had.
The material benefits of knowing stuff and knowing people arrive slowly - frustratingly slowly - but they do arrive. After all, the people who seem to be doing well in work and life are those who know stuff and know people, right? And like any other investment, the benefits of knowing stuff and knowing people compound over time.
I hope it works out for you.