Some thoughts on life and how to live it
When I was younger I dreamed of travel.
I’ve lived in five countries (Germany, UK, Spain, China, and Japan), and visited over thirty.
My plans for retirement included a round the world trip to go and see people I knew all over the globe, and then spending three to six months of each year outside Japan.
Covid put paid to my round the world trip (it was supposed to happen in 2021) and… I’m not sure about spending time outside Japan any more.
I’m not sure why, maybe it’s me getting old (my wife’s theory), maybe it was the Covid years, maybe it’s the weak yen. But the idea of traveling abroad is much less attractive now, to the extent that I’m not sure I want to do it at all.
Going wider
Traveling to new places. Learning new skills. Meeting new people.
These things can be seen as going wider. You are expanding your circle of life.
I really enjoyed this in the past. Nothing could beat the feeling of going to a new place or country, getting off the plane and exploring. Seeing new things, smelling new fragrances, tasting new flavours.
It’s similar in terms of work and career. When you are getting started you want to say yes to as many things as possible, taking on new challenges and responsibilities. Some of them will end up being hugely productive, and may even lead you in a new direction.
And even meeting people and making new friends feels similar. When you start school or a new job there are opportunities to meet and make friends with new people. These people can end up being important parts of your life.
But at least for me there was a transition.
I don’t know if it was age (hitting my 40s), I don’t know if it was the situation (the pandemic or finishing formal work), I don’t know if it was the circumstances (the weak yen making everything outside Japan seem… overpriced).
But something changed.
Going deeper
Now whenever I take a trip it no longer fills me with excitement and joy. I used to get giddy when the plane took off. I could feel the everyday stress and pressure lifting off me. It was almost physical.
As the acceleration pressed me into my seat, I became free.
Now I feel nothing. And when I’m away I miss my routine. I miss walking to work. I miss working in my office. I miss my exercise routine. I miss training jiu-jitsu. I miss my family.
There are still moments of enjoyment when I’m away. Seeing an old friend. A beautiful view. A good meal.
But mostly it feels like being away is getting in the way of my ‘real’ life.
I want to go deeper, not wider.
I want to do my work. Really do it, which requires time and concentration and my work setup. I want to work on my health, which is easier to do here within my routine. I want to spend time with my family. I want to get better at jiu-jitsu.
I want to spend my time and energy on the same things, not explore new ones.
Progress or just new preferences
In a way this feels very natural.
Just like in your job or career it is normal to go from saying yes to everything to saying no to most things, perhaps it is the same in life, health, work?
Or is this just something that is happening to me, for reasons?
How about you? Are you over 40? Did you notice a similar change in your tastes and aspirations?
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I don’t think it’s just you. My wife and I used to talk about spending a couple of months every summer and winter out of Japan when retired. But now we’re actually retired, we have no desire to stay away that long. Life in Japan is simply more attractive and enjoyable. We still like to escape both the extreme heat and cold to fly overseas but just for 3-4 weeks each time. It’s nice but it’s always nicer to arrive home.
BTW I don’t recommend a long round the world trip either. I did it for 5 months. It was expensive but worst of all was that it was incredibly exhausting. At about the 5th week, the daily novelty of finding decent hotels, food, attractions, transportation options and avoiding scams and pickpockets in yet another new city has definitely worn out. And you’ve only got 15 more weeks of that left. That isn’t my idea of fun anymore.
That is more or less how I suspect a longer trip would go! About a week seems to be the limit for me now…
Yes, very similar for me. I think your wife may be onto something 😀 I don’t see it as a negative thing at all, I think there’s something to enjoying the simpler things in life. I’m quite a home-body and can be quite content living a simple life. I get satisfaction from my family, very small circle of friends, garden and work. Of course it’s all a balance. I’m well aware that personalities like myself can spend too much time at home and sometimes need to make an effort to get out. But it’s all about being content/happy, isn’t it? There’s nothing wrong with finding contentment in the smaller things.
Amen to that! Life is a journey of discovery: the older I get the more I learn about myself and the world.
Same here. I’m still amazed at my lack of enthusiasm for flying to new places nowadays (outside of Japan at least). Even our yearly school trips to Australia have become a bit of a chore (I can’t believe I’m saying that!). In my teens and twenties, travel was all I thought about, especially to Australia. Maybe I exhausted myself back then, but nowadays, give me Gifu, Ishikawa, or Nagano, and the occasional dose of a big Japanese city, and I’m happy. Saying that, we are off to Ishigakijima for the first time soon, and I’m quite looking forward to it.
I like traveling in Japan, but not abroad any more… Okinawa (Miyakojima) October to May, and maybe Hokkaido in the summer?
We went to Hokkaido straight after coming back from Australia last August to partially avoid the Nagoya heat. I can see a domestic travel routine developing.
I’m not quite 40, and I haven’t retired, but I can relate to your feelings. I’ve lived in multiple countries too and in my younger days I loved traveling around by myself. I went around Europe by myself with just a backpack and a tiny tent for months. I loved it and thought I would never stop enjoying that thrill of the unknown. Then a few years ago I took my first solo trip since meeting my wife here in Japan. I went to South Korea for 2 weeks, thinking it would be “like the old days”, and while I did enjoy everything I did and saw, I couldn’t help feeling kinda drained after only a week or so.
Nowadays I fantasize about going on cruises or all-inclusive trips – short trips where I don’t have to plan and arrange every step. Moreso since buying a house I think. There is something comforting about having a routine I think.
My wife is taking me on my first cruise this year, funnily enough. She’s been on one before, I haven’t.
She thinks I’ll enjoy it, I’m not sure.
I’ll report back here afterwards!
Having lived in China and Japan, you may be familiar with the famous lines from book 47 of the _Dao De Jing_,
不出戶 知天下
不闚牖 見天道
其出彌遠
其知彌少
(roughly)
Without leaving your door, you can already know the universe
Without so much as a glance out of the window, you can already see the way
The farther you travel
The less you know
To grossly oversimplify: “What the curious seek, the wise know they already have.” A bit haughty to suggest, but perhaps it’s the case that what you had hoped to acquire through travel elsewhere, you have come to realize you already possess here now, and might even always have had? That there’s no need to look for what you’ve already got?
That feels quite true. I don’t need to go looking elsewhere because I am already happy with my life here…
Totally agree with you Ben, I have been to many countries and I am older than you, went to my first country when I was 23. As you said I loved just about everything about it, quit my job and traveled for many months, traveling to about 20 countries. Yeh I am getting older, as you say, I have just lost the enthusiasm to travel overseas again, I am quite happy to just travel in Japan, of course the cost of living and over tourism helps. Japan has its flaws but its a great country to live in.
Sounds a lot like Carl Jung’s turning inwards in the second half of life.